Welcome!

Welcome to the wacky world of Terry Crawford, Pryor, Oklahoma.

I was given a dire diagnosis Thanksgiving of 2009, with a life expectancy of about 4 months, without an open-heart surgery to replace my mitral valve with a bioprosthetic (pig and mechanical) valve, and to repair my aortic valve. The surgeon, in Las Vegas, NV, will also repair part of the fibulation in the middle junction of my heart so that I will not be 100% on my pacemaker (in other words, if it quits, I die). My heart and lung problems are a result of massive dosages of radiation back in 1981, which resulted in a lot of damage that is just now catching up to me.

This past year has been a living nightmare. I have been diagnosed with the above, plus Raynaud's Syndrome, CREST Syndrome, Lupus, COPD/Emphysema (and I haven't smoked), Ataxia, Severe Neuropathy, an inoperable tumor on my spine, Chronic Anemia, Congestive Heart Failure, Arythmia, Chronic Fatigue, and some I can't remember off the top of my head!

My life over the past three years has gone from very active to a pathetic shell of a human being. And yet, I have held on to my faith in Christ through my heavenly Father.

My worst regrets are the pain and suffering I have put my family through. My mother worries so much about me, when she has her own self to worry about. My sister also worries and her health isn't perfect, either. Then there are my two sons, Mike and Josh. My relationships with them have dwindled to the point to where I just cry to think of what I'm missing. I don't have the energy or strength to get dressed, go out, etc. I can't even hold my 3 year old, beautiful granddaughter, Rylynn! I miss going on adventures with my brilliant grandson, Nate. I miss the family dinners. I used to be a non-stop talker and now it just takes too much breath and energy to try to hold up a conversation, plus I have short-term memory loss that hinders things, too.

So many regrets. I just want the opportunity to try to make things right with everyone before I pass on. Is that too much to ask for?

The object of this blog is not to be dreary and depressing and defeated. Instead, I want to keep memories alive of my life after I'm gone. I want my children and grandchildren to know how much they are loved. I want my mom and sister, Sheree, to know how much I love them, and how much their support to me has meant.

And so begins my journey.